Tuesday, August 17, 2010
SOUTH CAROLINA MOM KILLS TODDLERS
What went wrong? How could a mother take the lives of her children? Devean C. Duley was 2 years old. His brother, Ja'van T. Duley was 18 months old. "This was a young lady that was in trouble, in trouble in more ways than she realized," Orangeburg County Sheriff Larry Williams told reporters. “She was a mother that was unemployed. She had no means of taking care of her children...” An immature woman, perhaps. She was in trouble and didn't know where to turn, or how to turn for help. Perhaps one day we will know more details. Perhaps the answer will stay buried in Shaquan Duley's psyche. I grew up in a home where a single black woman was head of the household. My mom had four children, and for whatever reasons, remained unmarried. As I look back on life at home, I know how hard it was for her. I knew that a great deal of the time she was in crisis. There were times, I suppose, when she must have thought that she could not make it through the next crisis. I know too, of the sacrifices she made. I thank God that she turned every conceivable way for help. She did many kinds of jobs to earn enough money to provide for us. She was a strong Christian who relied on the messages of hope coming from the pulpit and the membership of the Baptist congregation where we held membership. She found comfort in the Gospel of Jesus Christ and the power of the Holy Spirit to bring about change in our lives. I have always taken to heart a simple message she wrote at the bottom of a letter to me when I was in college: No Hope. No Peace. Ja'van and Devean are at peace. I pray that Shaquan and her family may find hope and peace in the message of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.
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6 comments:
Admittedly, I know relatively few of the details of the Duley story. However, it does remind me of how often the church stumbles and struggles with being the body of Christ. So often we focus on ourselves and not upon our neighbor and the needs within our communities. Perhaps if this mother knew that the church, as the body of Christ, could and would help her in her needs, then maybe a different story would be told.
Amen! You said it! Many in our culture have come to ignore the existence of the church because they find no plausibility, integrity, and relevance in our message to their contemporary world. Worst still, many do not see the church as a place where they can turn for help. In my view, the church is failing a whole generation with its lack of response to modernity.
When it is dark and there is no light, it is impossible to see. You will stumble and probably fall and stand up and bump into something and fall again, and again and again; because there is nothing there that you can see to give a little light; even a little direction, a small bit of comfort, even a sense that maybe next time I stand, I will see something and will not fall. Finally, you accept that it is hopeless to try to stand or reach out because there is nothing there. And when it becomes hopeless, then nothing else matters because now you know and have accepted that it's over and it is time to put an end to it all. BM
When it is dark and there is no light, it is impossible to see. You will stumble and probably fall and stand up and bump into something and fall again, and again and again; because there is nothing there that you can see, not even a small bit light to show some sort of path, or a road, just a way out. There is nothing to give even a little direction; a small bit of comfort; even a sense that maybe next time I stand I will see something and I will not fall. All there is is darkness and the smiles can't be seen, the handshake can't be felt, and the words are not heard. Finally, you accept that it is hopeless to try to stand or reach out because there is nothing there. And when it becomes hopeless, then nothing else matters because now you have accepted that it's over and it is time to put an end to it all.
Yes, it is sad but it seems as if sometimes there is just not enough of those who care enough to reach out, and catch hold, and hold on to those who are stumbling in the dark who simply are not strong enough to hold on to anything or anyone. BM
Hopelessness sometimes surprises life with patience. As we abandon the pursuit of trying to be in control, we also watch anxiety fade, and patience appears. Moses and Abraham, both carried promises given to them by God, but they had to abandon hope that they would see these in their lifetime. They led from faith, from a relationship with something beyound their comprehension. T.S. Eliot has written: I said to my soul, be still, and wait without hope for hope would be hope for the wrong thing; wait without love. For love would be love of the wrong thing; there is yet faith. The faith and the love and the hope are all in the waiting.
Luciano de Crescenzo has written, "We are each of us angels with only one wing. And we can only fly embracing each other." We all need support.
Getting Support:
1. The first step is to write down the names of people, or organizations (churches, social service organizations, public agencies...) who might support you in different ways.
2. Write down what kind of support you would like most from each of the people on your list. For example, you might ask a church about spiritual support, a social worker about financial support, a food pantry about meals, a friend to give you practical support and your partner to give you all of the above.
3.Tell each person exactly what he or she can do to help you. Be specific. You might ask one person to be ready with hugs when you need them. Another to hep with housework.
4. Althought you are the one experiencing difficulty, the special people in your life have also been affected by your distress. Sometimes co-survivors will need to deal with their own feelings before they can support you.
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